


love and it's decisive pain

by Mallowleaf



Category: Two Gentlemen of Verona - Shakespeare
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, give me shakespearean lesbians or give me death, i'm throwing out canon and replacing it with this, no editing we post like men, soft love confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21618598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallowleaf/pseuds/Mallowleaf
Summary: Maybe if things hadn’t fallen apart so quickly, things would be different. Maybe Silvia would have approached her, would have come to Julia with her discovery and clasp their hands together, her words nothing more than a whisper. Maybe they could have gone off to look for Valentine together, preventing Silvia from being attacked first by the outlaws and then Proteus himself. Maybe the bruises that were blooming up Silvia’s arm, products of Proteus’ rough and demanding hands, didn’t have to be created in the first place.But it had happened. And now, as Julia moved towards Silvia under the canopy of leaves that stretched over their heads, they would have to pick up the pieces.(OR: julia and silvia comfort each other, and come to an understanding)
Relationships: Julia/Silvia (Two Gentlemen of Verona)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	love and it's decisive pain

**Author's Note:**

> tw: implied mentions of rape that happened before this scene. nothing too graphic (it's actually kinda vauge) but just a heads up. stay safe guys! <3

Julia had known, even from the start, that her disguise had left much to be desired. 

She had tried, she really had. Lucetta had done her best with the clothes, creating trousers that were too tight in some places and sagged in others. She had even cut her  _ hair _ , terrified that merely pinning her hair up wouldn’t be enough, that she would be found out the moment she arrived. 

Her poor hair. No longer did it hang past her shoulders, her curls offering her a constant and comforting weight. Now it barely brushed the top of her ears, ragged and uneven. Her knife hadn’t been sharp enough, and Julia had been forced to hack away at her hair until it fell to the floor. She would never forget the moments after she finished cutting her hair: how the floor had been covered in her blonde curls, how her chest tightened and choked her breath with tears as she realized that she had gone too far and there was no going back now. 

As she stared at herself in the mirror, Julia was forced to come to terms with the fact that she barely looked like a boy. She very nearly gave up right then and there, but the thought of Proteus kept her going. The idea of Proteus lighting up when he saw her, a smile curving across his cheeks and eyes brightening when he realized all Julia had done to be with him was enough to dispel all of Julia’s doubts. 

But of course, that hadn’t happened -- and she’d been foolish to think otherwise. 

Oh, her disguise worked out perfectly. Proteus hadn’t recognized her, even when she opened her mouth and spoke, which really should have been her first clue that something was wrong. In fact,  _ no one  _ seemed to realize that “Sebastian” was anything more than a slightly inept page. 

No one, that is, until Silvia. 

Julia hadn’t realized it at the time, but from the moment she had first addressed the gentlewoman, Silvia had looked at her far differently than anyone else she had previously encountered. There had been an almost confused look in her eyes that managed to fight it’s way past Silvia’s otherwise collected mask, a look that slowly evolved into something far more warmer as their exchange carried on. 

At the time, Julia had been too caught up in her own emotions to catch those intricate details. She was furious and distraught and maybe a little overwhelmed, because Silvia really was as beautiful as everyone had said, with her auburn hair twisted up tightly on the top of her head and lips pursed just so as she took in what Julia was saying. 

Julia was far too lost in Silvia’s gaze (so strong and unyielding and eyes like stars, sparkling and full of fire) to fully comprehend what exactly was going on in Silvia’s head, to understand that there was one person who had managed to figure out who exactly Julia was. 

Maybe if things hadn’t fallen apart so quickly, things would be different. Maybe Silvia would have approached her, would have come to Julia with her discovery and clasp their hands together, her words nothing more than a whisper. Maybe they could have gone off to look for Valentine together, preventing Silvia from being attacked first by the outlaws and then Proteus himself. 

Maybe the bruises that were blooming up Silvia’s arm, products of Proteus’ rough and demanding hands, didn’t have to be created in the first place. 

But it had happened. And now, as Julia moved towards Silvia under the canopy of leaves that stretched over their heads, they would have to pick up the pieces. 

“Are you alright?” Julia whispered, crouching down beside Silvia, who had yet to move from her position on the ground. Behind them, Valentine and Proteus were talking excitedly to the Duke; they seemed to had forgotten all about the women they had spent so long fighting over. 

Silvia nodded jerkily, and a tear dripped down her cheek. “Yes,” she whispered back, voice shaking with barely controlled emotions. She attempted a smile, and it wobbled a bit before disappearing. “And you?” 

“I’m not the one who was - who was -” 

Julia was unable to force the words out of her mouth, unable to give a name to the atrocities that Proteus -- the man she used to love -- had committed. Instead, she settled in next to Silvia, reaching out her arm and, after hesitating for a moment, wrapped it around Silvia’s shoulders. Silvia stiffened at the contact, and for a moment Julia feared she would jerk away, angry words on her lips for Julia to dare touch her. But then Silvia relaxed against Julia, leaning her head on Julia’s shoulder. 

And  _ oh,  _ did that feel nice. 

“I’m so sorry,” Julia said, voice thick with tears. 

Silvia’s hand landed on Julia’s leg, squeezing it gently. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

Julia shook her head and angrily wiped away the tears brimming in her eyes. “I could have done something more. I could have stopped Proteus before he got too far!” 

Self loathing rolled through Julia’s stomach, because she could have done  _ so  _ much more. What  _ had  _ she done, besides stand there and panic, gaping like a fool? If it wasn’t for Valentine jumping through the foliage and scaring Proteus off Silvia, things could have gotten so much worse so fast. 

“Julia.” 

Silvia’s voice cut through Julia’s train of thought like a knife, and Julia snapped her gaze towards her. Silvia had moved her head up, locking her eyes with Julia’s, and Julia found she couldn’t look away. 

“You are not responsible for that awful man’s actions,” Silvia said once she was sure she had Julia’s attention. “None of this was your fault.” 

Julia’s shoulders drooped. “I thought I knew him,” she said, the tears that had blurred her vision finally falling. “He said he loved me, and I believed him.” 

Silvia let her head fall back on Julia’s shoulder, and she wrapped her arm around Julia’s back. “A man like Proteus is undeserving of your time. All he cares about is his own desires and wants, and they change as easily as the wind. That is hardly your fault.” 

A loud cheer echoed from where the men stood, and when Julia turned to look at them she saw Valentine atop a fallen log, arms pinwheeling in the air as he gave a dramatic telling of what had transpired in the woods to the Duke. He seemed unaffected by what had happened, and all at once Julia was reminded of how easily Valentine offered Silvia to Proteus, as if he himself had not witnessed the way Proteus had handled her moments before. 

“I could say the same for Valentine,” Julia said with a sad smile, running her hand up and down Silvia’s arm gently. 

Silvia let out a bitter laugh, and the pain that was wrapped up in it nearly broke Julia’s heart. “You and I are rather unlucky in love, aren’t we?” 

“Unlucky is one word for it,” Julia agreed. 

Silence fell over the pair, and Silvia pressed herself closer to Julia with a soft sigh. It was the sort of closeness that Julia had never experienced before -- not the playful touch of a friend or the methodical hands of a servant, but something far more intimate. Silvia’s hair, mused and falling from the tight braid it had been in before all of this, brushed against Julia’s nose, and when Julia took in a breath, she could smell Silvia’s sweet scent. 

Julia’s chest once again tightened, but it was far from the painful anxiety born from fear. This was a different sort of anxiety, akin to the feelings she had felt long ago when she first held Proteus’ ring in her hand. It was nerves all tied up with a bright, burning  _ hope _ \- a hope that the happiness and desire and  _ love  _ pushing up against her chest was reciprocated. 

She had felt that way for Proteus, back before she discovered her true nature, and now, as she stared down at the top of Silvia’s head, she felt the same thing. 

Julia let out a shuddering breath and her arm compulsively tightened around Silvia’s shoulders. Silvia’s eyes darted upwards towards Julia’s face, sensing the change in Julia’s posture. She opened her mouth, ready to ask what was wrong, but Julia spoke before she could. 

“Madam Silvia,” Julia began, voice dry and shaking. “Forgive me for being so bold, but I cannot help but feel that someone as beautiful and kind as you deserves far better than anything you have received in the past. I would do -- anything to secure your happiness."

"Julia, what are you saying?" Silvia twisted in Julia's grip, sitting upright to look at Julia properly.

"I love you," Julia blurted out, voice cracking and breaking. "I shouldn't, but I do. God help me, I do. But a woman like you deserves far better than the likes of me."

"Julia," Silvia breathed. Her voice was so soft, so full of sadness that Julia looked away, eyes shut tight against her tears. Silvia caught Julia's face in her hands and turned it back towards her. She brushed her thumb against Julia's cheek, wiping away her tears. "Do you truly believe such a lie?"

Julia's eyes flew open, and she stared at Silvia in bewilderment. 

"You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen," Silvia said gently.

Julia’s mind raced, trying to understand what Silvia was saying. She couldn’t really  _ mean  _ that, could she? Maybe once Julia’s appearance could’ve held a candle to Silvia’s, but that time was long gone. How could Silvia look at Julia, with her hair a mess, her once smooth skin marred by burns and freckles from the sun, her hands that were scratched and covered in slowly forming calluses, and truly mean what she said? She sniffled, and reached up to loosely grasp Silvia’s wrist. “There’s no need for such flattery.” 

“I don’t speak of flattery,” Silvia said, her words soft but carrying an iron weight to them. She continued to stroke Julia’s cheek, and Julia could feel the tension in her shoulders start to recede. A teasing smile flickered at the edges of Silvia’s mouth. “Roses may no longer grace your cheeks, but there is sunlight in your hair and angels have kissed your face. I’ve never seen anyone who could compare to you.” 

Something broke inside of Julia, and she surged forward, catching Silvia’s face in her own hands and kissing her with all her might. Silvia let out a surprised little squeak, but then she pushed up against Julia, deepening the kiss. 

In that moment, Julia’s world had narrowed down to Silvia. Silvia  _ was  _ Julia’s whole world. All she could focus on was the way her hands wove through Silvia’s hair, the way Silvia’s hands ran across her chest, her arms, her back, unable to settle in one place. The world could have ended, sending the sky crashing down around them, and still Julia would be unable to tear her focus away. 

Because nothing mattered -- nothing but Silvia. 

Silvia was the first to break the kiss, pulling back only far enough to look in Julia’s eyes. Their noses brushed against one another. “What now?” She asked, breath coming in breathless gasps. 

Julia idly pushed Silvia’s hair off her forehead. “Well,” she said slowly. “I don’t particularly fancy returning with Proteus.” 

“Or me with Valentine,” Silvia agreed, sparing a glance over Julia’s shoulder where the men stood gathered before her eyes found Julia’s once more. “What do you suggest we do?” 

“What was your plan, before all this happened?” 

“Well,” Silvia sighed, “I entertained the idea of finding Valentine and following him to Mantua. Although I suppose now that they have reunited, Valentine will want to return to Milan. I cannot say that I feel the same.” 

“What if we didn’t return with them?” 

Silvia startled in Julia’s grasp. “You can’t possibly be suggesting what I think you are.” 

“We could run away!” Julia said insistently. “We could slip into the woods and go to Mantua ourselves! Proteus and Valentine wouldn’t notice, and even if they did, by the time they come after us we’ll be long gone!” 

“But we have no supplies!” Silvia protested. 

Julia let go of Silvia’s face and fumbled in her pockets. “I still have the purse you gave me, see? And we can sell Proteus’ ring -- I have no use for it anymore, and it could give us enough money to support ourselves for at least a week! We’d be free, Silvia!” 

Silvia worried the hem of her dress with her fingers, dropping her gaze to her lap and no longer meeting Julia’s gaze. “It’s not safe, Julia.” 

For a moment, Julia was confused by Silvia’s words. Not safe? Julia had travelled by herself from Verona to Milan, and had encountered no trouble. But then Silvia glanced up nervously at Julia, and the fear in her eyes was unmistakable. 

Julia felt like an idiot. Of  _ course _ Silvia would be hesitant to plunge headfirst into the woods so soon after her first failed trip. 

“Oh, Silvia, I’m sorry,” she said. Julia clasped Silvia’s hands in her own and ducked her head to meet Silvia’s downturned gaze. “I promise you, I won’t let anything like that happen to you again. Anyone who wants to hurt you will have to go through me.” 

Silvia let out a watery laugh. “My hero,” she said, a teasing lilt laced through her voice. 

Leaning in, Julia pressed a kiss to Silvia’s cheek. “Will you trust me?” 

Silvia smiled up at Julia; it was bright and full of happiness, one that Julia had rarely seen since they had entered the woods. She vowed silently to herself that she would do anything to ensure that smile would stay on Silvia’s face. No one would ever hurt Silvia as Proteus’ had, not again. 

“To the end of the world,” Silvia replied. She caught Julia’s hand and pressed a chaste kiss to it, soft and tender. 

Later, when Julia and Silvia’s absence would be discovered, the Duke would demand to know where the two women had gone. Neither Proteus or Valentine would be able to answer; after all, no one had seen the two women disappear into the woods, hands clasped tightly together and shoulders brushing with every step. 

When the search parties would be inevitably sent after them, they would all come back empty. How tragic, the men would lament. Julia and Silvia were lost to the forest, no doubt the prey of the wild animals that roamed the trees or dangerous men who killed first and asked questions later. 

Of course, no one would ever be able to comprehend the true fate of Julia and Silvia. But rest assured they made it out of the woods alive. After all, the two women were far more intelligent than any man had ever given them credit for. Think upon the small cottage they reside in, with a large library where Silvia writes poetry for Julia and a garden where Julia tends to flowers that make their way into Silvia’s hair, woven into a crown fit for a queen. 

It was only the two of them, alone in the world, but that was no trouble for Julia or Silvia. After all, everything they could ever want was one other. 

What more could they need? 

**Author's Note:**

> the ending of two gentleman of verona is quite honestly terrible, mostly because i think shakespeare had no idea how to end it (which is something i relate to lol). because i can't raise shakespeare from the dead and complain to him about his ending, i figured that writing this was the next best thing. julia and silvia deserve the whole world, and lets be honest - the world could really use more shakespearean lesbians.
> 
> i'm currently in a production of tgov (as julia) and i want to shout out all my fellow cast mates because they're all really awesome and i love them to pieces. i also want to apologize to them now, because i will be forcing all of them to read this, lol. love you guys!!!
> 
> and thank you so much for reading this!! i hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it!!!!!


End file.
